#censored

Published in Lit Angels #20 How to Walk Through Fire: DD Ranch Retreat Edited by Francesca Lia Block and Linda Davis

I used to be a self-portrait photographer artist, but what am I now? I found a way to monetize my work, my body, and I have the male gaze to thank.

Thank you to mostly men who want to stare at my curves. Thank you to men who undress me with their eyes on the street. Thank you to men who leer at me, even when I try to hide behind my baggy, comfy clothes. Thanks for making it possible for me to make a living doing OnlyFans.

I can’t start this off without a big thank you, but the look that I got from my family friends when I told them I was now doing porn, that I had scheduled to do some porn in their home while I was house sitting, now that look, I can barely face.

I feel I live a charmed life, a blessed life. I can post nudes of myself online and men buy them. They write to me with their adoration, sometimes their scorn, but mostly their lust, longing for my body.

I’d like to say they don’t know me, but when I met with one of them and he told me more about myself than I thought I knew, the counter could be argued. He is a true fan after all.

It was a slow climb from creating my early works, building my online presence, to a swift turn after a phone call with one of the leering men who knew how to drive the online sales of my body. I took a small shift, a sidestep; instead of…