Fully Informed Consent

“If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.”

“A yes can turn to a no at any point in time, it’s ok to revoke consent if you ever feel uncomfortable.”

“Saying yes or having someone as your boyfriend is not a blank check for sex, it’s a case by case basis, learn to respect your partner and their needs and boundaries.”

I wish I had been told all of those when I was younger, repeatedly, multiple times. When I first started having sex, with the person I thought I would marry of course, I did write him a blank check for sex, I also told him if I was ever asleep and he wanted to do sex things we me he had my consent. As much as I was fully consenting to those ideas then, I don’t feel like I had the full authority to grant that much permission to another person over my body.

As much as I thought I loved my first partner, looking back on it there were many moments of distress, feeling captured, all consumed, and like I was allowing myself to be raped.

As of now, I haven’t been raped by a stranger, I also don’t consider myself a rape victim, but what my first partner did to me borders the line. With the coming of the me too movement, my friend and I both looked back at our relationships and said: that’s what happened to us.

Enthusiastic consent. It was a long ride and I’ve not always been on the right side of it, but looking back I can easily see now what a fully informed consent looks like from both me and coming from other people. A true yes is playful, fun…