It took until I was 30 until I was attracted to a male’s body beyond his penis…

…and now I understand what some women talk about when they talk about how hot a man can be. I feel like I’ve landed in an odd place and feel so representative about how sexuality can be a spectrum.

Let’s talk about how I’ve viewed men. When I was in kindergarten I wanted a boyfriend who would kiss me and perhaps more (I had no idea what that was at the time and why such a young person would want that is either proof of how overly sexually charged media is or an early clue to how I may or may not have been a sex addict).

In 8th grade I learned about how people of the same sex could like one another and I added girls to my people I like list. Throughout my life my relationships have been primarily with men and mostly long term. Up to this point I’ve never had a long term or serious relationship with a woman. I have had several sexual encounters and hope to have more, but I’d almost always been with a man and lusted after women.

Until this year, around the turn of the year, 2023 has been an interesting year for me. I have been with more women this year than ever/usually, which is to say 1.5 of them, but I’m not nearly as desperately attracted/wanting of them. Because a new fascination has opened in me: I find men attractive. It’s been weird seeing this shift in myself. I’ve always loved having sex with men and enjoyed being in relationships with men. I do feel a bit masculine as a woman and appreciate a sort of balance/comfort I…