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What if someone told you you’d never be as driven or smart as you are right now?
Part of me would want to tell them they are wrong, but the other part is looking back on myself as I was in college and knows it is true.
I’m not nearly as driven or constantly continuing my education now as I used to be. Sure, I learn new things, develop new interests, and do have all the knowledge I’ve previously amassed vaguely at my fingertips (or at least at the tips of the smart phone and sometimes experience a sense of wonder to research them), but I’m not actively pursing new things, interests, hobbies, and I no longer think I can do anything with my life. I’ve kind of become a humdrum. I do still think I have potential and could change my career, but I’m getting to the point of how difficult it might be and how tired I already am. It might be too much effort to build a new career, it might be exhausting to put 90 hours a week or more into something, and I now know how easily I burn out when obsessively chasing that dream. I do still have some passions, but they feel like slow burns instead of fast lights. I’m probably still recovering from those years of burn out and still continuing to create, in fact, I haven’t stopped creating because some of my old passions have turned into my day jobs. It’s hard for me to imagine myself with the youthful energy of my early 20s and my zest for life that I had then. Don’t get me wrong, I’m super happy now, but content is the word I keep coming to. I’m no longer as driven to seek solutions to the problems that still exist from my early 20s. I do care, I…